Someone just pointed this out to me:
Create a new account for Gmail. (Yes, that unfortunately means logging out of your current Gmail. Gasp!) And when you get to the Captcha field press the button for the handicapped spot. Listen to that sound. It’s sound so creepy! How in the hell can anyone understand anything what is being said?
It reminds me of the drilling into hell video from Youtube. [Dislclaimer: Don't listen to this if you're easily scared!]
I bet Google has some subliminal messaging in there somewhere!
After posting a blog about a ridiculous spam e-mail I got, Nic from FluffyPinkThing suggested I give the spammer a run. I decided to go ahead. Alas, it did not go very far, but I like to believe that the spammer laughed a little bit. After the first e-mail I replied:
Dear Peter Mpenza,
Sorry that I’m replying now. I was in a very strong financial position just a few weeks ago, but I just got laid off my job. I’m desperate for money right now. Never thought the recession would hit me. It’s just so unreal. Like a pig flying with a medievil sword ready to impale me once I go outside. Or Gollum stabbing me in the back. I need my Samwise Gamgee! Will you be my Samwise Gamgee?
What must I do claim that generous amount of premium? Cause I really have to buy myself a new car, since I had to sell my Bentley. I’m looking for a Rolls this time. Help me please!
Mr. Peter Mpenza then responded with a copy paste reply. He asked that I should trust him and that we should meet in person to close the deal. He also said:
I do not believe in theories, I believe in practical, therefore your physical presence will be very important to assure you that I am a man of impeccable character. If this goes well with you, I will need you to furnish me with this below information for us to forge ahead.
1. Your full names.
2. Your billing address.
3. Your telephone numbers
4. And your profession.
Being a reluctant rich jobless man I replied:
Dear Peter Mpenza,
Sorry, but I do not believe in the practical. I believe in theories – but not any kind of theory, but conspiracy theories. I believe that the world will end in 2012. I believe that Bush is part of a lizard clan who lives underneath the Earth. I believe that the recent Chinese Earthquake in Sichuan was created by a huge weather control system. I believe that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father and I believe in the saviour of mankind – The One, Neo.
However, I can add that I believe you. My witch doctor has told me that someone will come forth and save me from my current predicament. However, he said I should be weary of chance takers and before I can assure the true depth of “man” I must see his face, for a face never lies. I did Navy work when I was a kid and they taught me that one can look into a man’s eye and know if he is a liar. Best life lesson I got at the tender age of 7.
So, please before we go any further with this transaction, I know I’m desperate, but I need to see your face. Can you please send me a picture of yourself? Any picture will do.
And see it as a double whammy. When I meet you we can recognize each other and not use codenames or phrases like, “Delirious owl is stalking the prey” and you would then answer, “The amorous badger has left the honey.”
That is just embarrasing.
Thanks for the cooperation,
However, Peter Mpenza did not reply. Either 1) Peter saw through my mockery, 2) he scams so many people that he doesn’t have time for a chancer, 3) he is ugly and doesn’t want to send a pic or 4) my reply got caught by his spam filter.
I recently replied to a friend on Twitter with the normal web interface. I always use the Twitter web interface. So when I checked my tweet it had a different source. Here is the Tweet. The source is in Japanese. Here is link to my supposed source. Luckily Google Translator came to my help, but now it even makes less sense.
The trend now operating in shunitanOS twitter client. There is no deep meaning to the naming. Because of the public airwaves by the venom of the authors of the source is open source.
Public airwaves by the venom of the authors? What the hell? Am I part of closed beta without me knowing? I’m starting to suspect a Japanese conspiracy theory, but the Chinese are the Web Spies. Hmm… can anyone help me?
This message leaked through Gmail’s spam filter today and neatly arrived in my inbox:
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
My name is Mr. Peter Mpenza, a South African, I am an employee of an Insurance Company called (Liberty Life Group). My position is the Senior Claim Adjuster for the Insurance Company.
During our last priminary auditions in 2007, I found out in my department that one of our client who insured his properties and life has died since two years ago that is in 2006. Since then, there was nobody that comes forward to claim his insurance premium which amounted to Eight Million Pounds Sterling (8,000,000.00).
Therefore, I am seeking for a reliable and trustworthy person that can act as the decease next of kin to make this claim for this above stated premium. Note that I shall provide all necessary assistance to make sure this premium is being paid out.
All documentation regarding this claim will be forwarded to you for presentation to the Insurance Company for further approval. If this goes well with you, we shall disburse the funds in accordance to an agreed percentage 50/50%. Note that this is absolutely confidential and upon your response, I shall explain explicitely to you for more understanding.
Please endeavour to contact me either by phone or email indicating your interest in this business proposition.
Senior Claim Adjuster.
Wow. Epic fail. So, tell me Peter, are you looking for someone trustworthy to claim 8 million pounds? Over the Internet? Via email? Perhaps I would’ve trusted you more if your grammar was better.
“During our last priminary auditions in 2007″ – priminary?
“I found out in my department that one of our client who insured his properties and life has died since two years ago that is in 2006″ – What a horrid sentence!
“Since then, there was nobody that comes forward” – *came forward* and the nobody is just bleh. This whole sentence reeks of incompetence.
“Note that this is absolutely confidential and upon your response, I shall explain explicitely to you for more understanding.” – redundancy fail. It also sounds lolcat speak. I can has more understanding. Also please spell explicitly right.
“Please endeavour to contact me either by phone or email” – There is no phone number? Can I Skype you? This business proposition seems valid. MSN maybe? Then we can go PC2PC via webcam.
I cry myself to sleep thinking that some people will actually get caught by this. The low grade English was just the icing on the cake. Oh, Google his name
before you reply also. That helps.
My twin brother has been using Twitter for a while before I recently jumped on the bandwagon. Last year, we got into a chat about the future of Twitter, and my feeling was similar to a juicy apple going bad after the first bite. We have all tasted the shallow Facebook status updates, but why do I need just a bite when I can have the full apple? It really is fun. I’m addicted to status updates. I want to know what other people are up to. I’m curious in nature. It pleases my inner Niel. However, it also shows the general population is sinking into Idiocracy. Really ridiculous bragging and bad spelling. I digress, that is another topic on its own.
Twitter, was at first glance for me a Facebook status update outsourced to a farm. It could happily breed with other status updates and not be disturbed by group invites and thrown sheep. I was not convinced. Some groups were awesome, and sometimes I’d impossibly throw something many times my size. Frail afternoon entertainment. Why would I need just status updates when I have it already?
However, when I saw my brother using it, I realized the potential of this new way of communicating. I slowly started checking it again and then within the past two weeks I’ve been on the hunt for more followers and more interesting micro-bloggers. The info is writhing between users like a crocodile in a sewer. I got hooked. Now along with Facebook , I also religiously check my Twitter for new bite-size fruits of information. I don’t mind if some people are merely transposing Facebook updates, “Mary had a juicy apple for lunch”, but along with that comes the news, the great articles – the social media.
Twitter can actually help me. Twitter is instrumental, whereas Facebook is merely social.
I slowly drop a penny into the blog vending machine. I hear it clink and clank down the tubes of the Internet. I press Accept and out comes my life.
“Enjoy it,” it said.